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Booty-Shakin’, A Blood Test & A Trip to Baltimore – The Ashley’s Reality Roundup

Booty-Shakin’, A Blood Test & A Trip to Baltimore – The Ashley's Reality Roundup
The face The Ashley makes every time she realizes she nonetheless every week behind in ‘Teen Mom’ recaps…

Howdy Teen Mother OG followers! These ‘Teen Mother’ gals have been preserving The Ashley busier than a 911 call middle near The Land, but she’s nonetheless going to bust out a recap of the most-recent episode before tonight’s new episode.

We begin issues off in LA. Cheyenne decides to plan a visit to Baltimore to visit her boyfriend, Matt‘s family. Cheyenne’s sister, R. Kylie Lip Package, is joining her in Baltimore, and both women are bringing their youngsters.

Earlier than they depart for their journey, Cheyenne joins her family for brunch. Cheyenne’s mother– who has slung her lavender “brunching” sweater over shoulder because she’s an aesthetic brunching broad– grills her on how critical her new relationship is. Cheyenne tells her Matt already has her Pinterest board of what sort of wedding ceremony ring she needs, so I assume that’s her method of saying issues are critical.  

“Oh yeah, that sounds promising.”

Cheyenne says that she likes Matt because he’s OK with the bizarre “baby daddy dynamic” she has with Cory. The family says that they know Cheyenne’s about ready to get Child No. 2 positioned in her man-grabber, however her mom is nervous that Chey could also be dashing issues with Matt a bit with all this wedding ceremony and child speak. 

“We speak about marriage far more than we speak about having youngsters,” Cheyenne says.

Um…she does know that is ‘Teen Mother’ proper? In the event you get married earlier than you get knocked up (once more), are you able to even keep on this present?

Subsequent, we head to Indiana, the place we will probably be going to the doctor. (No, Gary isn’t getting one other vasectomy, Thank the Jesus God Leah!) Amber is on the brink of have a blood check achieved because she says her liver has been swollen when she wakes up in the morning. (She’s sporting her dark “Velma from Scoobie Doo” glasses that she often prefers when she’s filming a ‘critical’ scene on the bed.) 

“I ought to have drawn on my critical eyebrows too.”

Amber tells Andrew that she believes her huge ol’ swollen liver might be associated to the treatment she’s prescribed, particularly her mood stabilizer. Amber is nervous about having the check executed due in large part to her dad having died from cirrhosis of the liver.

Andrew, who’s sporting a Phantom Fireworks shirt (isn’t it ironic…dontcha assume?), convinces Amber that she must get the check taken.

“It is best to check to see in case your liver is cirrhosed…and stuff…”

Later, Amber (and her swollen liver) and Andrew hop into an Uber (for some purpose), and MTV provides the Uber driver Measho his personal identify introduction thingy. (I’m positive he’s the laughing inventory of all Uber and Raise drivers nationwide for ending up on this crappy present.)

Sure Measho, get these 15 minutes of fame!

They arrive on the trusty ol’ “Any Lab Check Now!” clinic. (As chances are you’ll recall, this is identical oddly named place that Gary went to again in Season 7 when he was making an attempt to cheek-swab his method into discovering out who his dad was.)

Desperate to earn that five-star score, Measho drops Amber and Andrew off steps from the clinic’s front door. Amber and Andrew are appearing like Amber’s there to get her legs amputated or something. They walk sullenly into the clinic. Amber takes deep breaths, and is appearing like she just saw the physician decide up the hack noticed and head toward her leg.

“It’ll be over before you recognize it!” Andrew assures her.

Once Amber is taken back to the testing room, she makes positive everyone inside the confines of the building is aware of she’s afraid of needles. They beginning enjoying unhappy, creepy music as they show the tech putting on gloves and prepping for the check. 

Amber then forces one of many digital camera men to make awkward eye contact together with her in an effort to keep herself distracted.

“That is virtually as painful as getting an ink-pen tat in gel!”

They depart Any Lab Check Now!– with Amber having all limbs intact– and get back into Measho’s van, which is waiting to whisk Amber, her swollen liver and Andrew back to the security of their very own mattress.

We proceed the medical theme as we head to Tennessee. Maci has discovered that the cramps from her PCOS is much more painful than co-parenting with Ryan, so she’s contemplating getting off contraception altogether in hopes that may relieve a number of the PCOS symptoms. Nevertheless, because of her and Taylor’s tendency to come out Oopsie Infants prefer it’s their job (oh, wait…it kinda is, isn’t it?), Maci needs Taylor to think about getting a vasectomy.

“He may be fastened…sniped like a dog!” she says gleefully.

I feel that’s good…

“We might even do a TTM males’s vasectomy hospital gown line! I’m positive Gary Shirley can mannequin it for us!”

Maci says she’s carried out popped out all of the Oopsie Infants she’s gonna pop out, and does not want any extra biological youngsters, regardless that Taylor might. She says she’s very critical about adopting extra youngsters someday.

Till then, though, she’s going to should attempt to figure out a option to maintain from getting pregnant that doesn’t embrace putting hormones in her physique. Maci tells her pal that she’s unsure Taylor will comply with get “sniped like a dog,” and, if not, she’s unsure what she’ll do.

If only there was one thing Taylor might put on proper earlier than they did the boneyard jig that would forestall being pregnant.

Oh, wait…

“You assume if Taylor wears a condom, his swimmers might nonetheless get into my cooter one way or the other?”

Lastly we head over to Michigan. After having hung out dwelling aside, Cate and Tyler say it’s necessary for his or her relationship to “give each other freedom.” As part of this mutual understanding, Tyler plans a solo trip to Arizona to go to some associates. While Cate is ok with Tyler’s upcoming bro-trip, her good friend Alexa doesn’t seem to be.

“You’re about to go to Arizona, aren’t you,” she asks Tyler. “How’s Cate going to do with you going to Arizona for 5 days? How does that work out? Together with her going to Florida, you going to Arizona, doing separate journeys and stuff? I see individuals on social media talking all types of crap.”

” …and by ‘individuals’ I imply me.”

Um…that’s because these individuals take more “breaks” from their new child child and child than anybody I’ve ever seen! 

Later, Cate shares with Tyler that breastfeeding Vaeda has turn out to be about as a lot fun as hanging out with Alexa. Subsequently, she’s determined to cease doing it. Between the bodily pain it has induced her from having a kid chomping down on her nips, to struggling to seek out the time in her schedule (no comment on that one), Cate says she looks like she’s doing all of it and switching Vaeda to method will alleviate some of that stress.

Tyler absolutely supports Cate’s determination, particularly if it means she’ll cease speaking about bloody nipples.

“I’ll literally go together with something you say proper now should you let me finish this conversation.”

Between Amber’s swollen liver, Catelynn’s bloody nipples, Maci’s crampy pelvis and Taylor’s (probably) snipped testicles, I really feel like I’m watching an episode of ER or something!

We examine back in with Cheyenne, who’s the one individual on this show who doesn’t have a medical ailment to bitch about this episode. After landing in Baltimore, Matt picks up Cheyenne, her sister and the youngsters they usually head to their rental house. In the course of the drive, Cheyenne tells Matt how huge of a deal it is for her to have Ryder (to not point out the MTV movie crew) together with her on this trip.

Matt then makes Cheyenne admit aloud that he’s special, as R. KellyKapowski makes fun of her for being embarrassed and blushing. 

Positive, this embarrasses you, but you had no drawback telling everybody about your Pinterest board…

Afterward at the rental home, Matt’s mother and father cease by to satisfy Cheyenne (who’s sporting her best crop prime for the event, naturally).  Matt’s mom tells Cheyenne she wishes somebody would’ve advised her concerning the movie crew prematurely so she might’ve come camera-ready. (Maybe she had a special crop prime she needed to put on too?) Matt takes the blame for not letting her know. 

Subsequent we see the group collect around and take a celebratory shot—- one thing Cheyenne will in all probability incorporate into her Pinterest wedding ceremony in the future. 

The subsequent night time, Cheyenne plans a dinner for Matt and his household. In the course of the meal, R.YouSmarterThanA5thGrader asks Matt’s dad what it’s wish to see his son with a toddler, to which Matt’s dad says it fills him with a number of pleasure. Matt’s mother provides that Cheyenne reminds her loads of herself and she or he thinks Cheyenne is an effective match for Matt. This information causes Cheyenne to have fun… juuuust a bit bit. 

“Wooo! Time to go select some invitations!”

Cheyenne’s pleasure is placed on maintain, nevertheless, when she learns that Matt doesn’t plan to right away move in together with her as soon as he moves to Los Angeles and as an alternative is planning on doing “a roommate state of affairs” for the first two years. Cheyenne decides to talk to Matt about his plans the subsequent day. 

Matt tells Cheyenne that they’re good and “shifting at an inexpensive tempo,” though he picks up on the fact that this tempo isn’t quite quick sufficient for Cheyenne. Cheyenne agrees and ever-so-subtly tells him she’s “prepared if you find yourself.” 

“We gained’t need to share an MTV examine if we transfer in collectively, proper?”

Over in Indiana, Amber (now sporting her Mrs. Doubtfire glasses) talks with Producer David on the couch (where else?) about her check, which she says she’s recognized she’s wanted to take for a few yr. She additionally talks about her dad’s well being issues, including his most cancers, which she stated stemmed from him having cirrhosis of the liver. Amber says her dad’s points have been resulting from his alcoholism; nevertheless, she fears the identical factor will happen to her due to the drugs she has to take.

Amber additionally talks about her youngsters probably inheriting the same health issues she has and she or he becomes emotional speaking about Leah’s current nervousness attacks.

A couple of days later (though in line with Amber’s outfit, it’s literally the identical day) Amber receives the results of her liver check and she or he finds out the whole lot is ok.

“Properly, like, what’s causing…your liver to, like…swell and stuff?” Andrew asks.

She says that her doctor thinks it’d simply be her liver working onerous to handle all of her drugs. On the brilliant aspect, no less than one thing in that house is working exhausting. 

“So principally we might sum up your entire phase this episode with 5 phrases: You Took A Blood Check.”

Over in Tennessee, Maci is taken her crampy cooter to her gynecologist to talk about her Oopsie Baby prevention options. Her physician tells her that her PCOS might probably be managed with out birth control if she makes sure way of life modifications, although they agree that the potential for being pregnant needs to be addressed. Maci asks her physician if male birth control has hit the cabinets yet, but sadly her physician tells her it’s still being developed.

He additionally tells her numerous males tend to think about contraception as “the lady’s duty,” and she or he tells him that’s the very cause she ended up making hundreds of thousands being a teen mom.

“You’re welcome!”

After meeting together with her physician, Maci decides to speak to Taylor about the whole vasectomy thing over an activity involving the 2 of them hitting balls.

How fitting. 

“Watch intently, Taylor. That is exactly how your docs will prep for surgical procedure.”

Maci tells Taylor that in order for her to deal with her PCOS naturally with out birth control, he must go beneath the knife. Taylor says the thought of a vasectomy scares him because it’s everlasting… sort of like all these youngsters they’ve operating round their home. 

Maci tells Taylor he might all the time reverse his vasectomy afterward. Whereas Maci says she’s constructive she doesn’t need to have any extra organic youngsters, Taylor however, stays open to the thought of breeding more models for his or her TTM youngsters’s line. Maci suggests they think about freezing Taylor’s sperm in case they modify their minds later down the street. 

“I was going to ask in the event you needed to get ice cream after this, but nevermind now…the thought of my frosted sperm kinda killed my urge for food.”

Lastly, we go back to Michigan to verify back in with Cate and Ty. Whereas Tyler was away in Arizona, rumors began circulating that he and Cate have been having marital points, however the two of them are determined to disregard the critics.

I truthfully don’t care why Tyler was out without his wife. What I need to know is…why the hell is he making this face?

Tyler even means that Cate have a night out together with her buddies now that he’s back in town.

Catelynn says that she was house with the youngsters for SIX WHOLE DAYS (six!!!) and she or he’s in want of an evening out to get unfastened.

Tyler’s solely rule for Cate’s night time is to “get on the market and dance lots.” 

As he’s grilling taco meat, Tyler provides Cate some recommendation for enjoying herself as soon as she’s in “da club.”

“Simply get out there on the dance flooring, scorching and sweaty, discover the most effective wanting dude out there, grind up on him, show him what’s up,” Tyler says, in what could be the oddest statement one spouse might say to the other. 

“Yeah, I’m not falling for that one.”

Cate tells Tyler “that’s gross” and that she doesn’t dance with the other sex until they’re homosexual, to which he says, “me neither.” 

That night time, Cate (who’s sporting a T-shirt that appears like it’s received a couple of April‘s cigarette holes burned into it) and two of her pals kick off their women night time out by having a white limo decide them up at a trailer park… as a result of that’s evidently one thing individuals do? She says she’s determined to get together herself into oblivion in an effort to point out the haters what’s up.

Because that’s evidently one thing individuals do?

“I’m celebrating the liberating of my nipples tonight, women!”

Within the limo, Cate tells her pals the large information that she’s decided to not breast feed and of course, Alexa hits her with a judgmental “why.” Alexa (who, mind you, is slugging vodka right out of the plastic bottle at this point) then asks if this women night time out of Cate’s is “payback” to Tyler for his journey to Arizona. Cate tells Alexa to get out of the limo and walk back to the trailer park it’s not and that she’s glad she and Tyler belief one another. 

Once the women arrive at the membership (which appears like Uncle Jesse‘s “Smash Membership” on Full Home, full with spinning disco ball), they scoot by all 27 patrons and make their option to the unnecessarily reserved desk where they throw again watered down photographs, dance and take embarrassing pictures. 

“Say ‘bloody nipples’ on three!”

Afterward, Cate and her associates hang out and smoke cigarettes outdoors the membership next to a fireplace pit that resembles a garbage can, while Alexa dances like no one is watching, as a result of actually no one is. 

(This scene is sure to haunt our nightmares for weeks to return…)

That’s it for this episode of ‘Teen Mother OG!’

Read The Ashley’s earlier ‘Teen Mother OG’ recap here! 

(Photographs: MTV) 

Tags:
Amber Portwood, Andrew Glennon, Catelynn Lowell, Cheyenne Floyd, Maci Bookout, Medical Points, PCOS, Being pregnant, Recaps, Taylor McKinney, Teen Mom, Teen Mom OG, Teen Mom OG Season 8, Teen Mom Recaps, Tyler Baltierra