Barbara Evans Briana DeJesus Brittany DeJesus Catelynn Baltierra Chelsea Houska Cole DeBoer David Eason Devoin Austin Jason Jordan Jenelle Evans Kail Lowry Leah Messer Recaps Roxanne DeJesus tech Teen Mom 2 Teen Mom 2 Recaps Teen Mom 2 Season 9 Tyler Baliterra

Plopping Out Labor Lube & Prepping for Doomsday on The Land – The Ashley’s Reality Roundup

Plopping Out Labor Lube & Prepping for Doomsday on The Land – The Ashley's Reality Roundup
Our response when somebody asks why we nonetheless watch this catastrophe of a present…

Buckle up your gaggle of youngsters, throw in your favourite “Mother AF” shirt and prepare to face by your man… it’s time for an additional episode of Teen Mother 2!

We first examine in with Briana who’s sipping on a fruity concoction out of a lightbulb glass. (The DeJesus household assortment of McDonald’s Jurassic Park collectible plastic cups should have been within the dishwasher?)

“Consuming this helps me not need to hit Devoin!”

Briana’s lightbulb elixir appears to have put her in a very good temper as she’s determined to let Devoin take Nova out for a day of enjoyable and video games, by way of an Uber experience, naturally. (As Briana tells us, Uber is Devoin’s solely choice, provided that he doesn’t “haven’t any automotive or license.”)

Devoin arrives and seems to be having a tough time standing up straight. He manages to select Nova up and bid the DeJesus gals farewell, all with out ever actually opening his eyes.

Devoin shall be taking his daughter to an institution referred to as “Monkey Joe’s.” We will assume that “Monkey’s Joe’s” is like Chuck E. Cheese’s— similar skull-splitting noise degree and similar rip-off arcade video games however minus the large furry rat.

Devoin and Nova lastly make it to Monkey Joe’s (certainly after spending an excellent hour or so ready whereas the opposite individuals of their Uber Pool obtained dropped off). The 2 take pleasure in enjoying some arcade video games whereas Devoin tries to make small speak together with his daughter about her upcoming first day of faculty. (Clearly his Uber driver gave him some ice breaker strategies in trade for a five-star score. #WinWin)

“So…um….are you gonna use all these quarters for video games? I want cash to catch the bus…”

Over in West Virginia, Leah has simply picked Addie up from her first day of kindergarten and she or he’s less-than-thrilled that she didn’t get to play on the playground very a lot.

“We simply received to relaxation our eyes,” Addie tells Leah.

“I might have proven the youngsters how to try this! I’m nice at resting my eyes…”

Again at her home, Leah calls Corey to see how the opposite girlseses’ first day of faculty went. She tells Corey that she’s wanting into getting an particular wants advocate to assist them work with the varsity relating to Ali’s wants. She says she’s wanting up some telephone numbers for attorneys who could possibly assist them battle the varsity to get Ali higher care.

Corey agrees. (We all know this as a result of they needed to bust out the subtitles so we might perceive good ol’ Corey Tyler’s mumbling. 

“I’m fixin’ to get the ding-dang regulation concerned! They ain’t gonna deal with our youngin like that!”

Subsequent we verify in with Chelsea, who’s busy herding all of her assorted animals to take them inside. Pete the Pig makes an look, as does a canine named…Barbara! (I can simply hear Barbara Evans sitting at house, watching the episode and speaking to the TV: “Nicely, Chelsea, I see ya named ya canine afta me!”)

Anyway, Chelsea’s mother, South Dee-ko-tah Mary can also be hanging round Chelsea’s new Log Mansion. Chelsea is 33 weeks pregnant, and Mary thinks that Chelsea might go into labor at any time (dontcha know!)

Chelsea will get up from her chair and discovers a pool of liquid beneath her butt. She will get nervous, questioning if her water has damaged. Chelsea seems to be on the digital camera and makes positive the viewers at house know that the “wetness” just isn’t resulting from her peeing her pants. 

“I simply need that to be clear!” she says as she rubs her butt.

She calls Cole over to assist her decide whether or not she sat in water or if she’s about to pop child quantity three out, proper there subsequent to the hen coop and pig pen. 

That is what Chelsea’s story strains have resorted to…

Cole determines that the buttcheeks in query are, certainly, moist. Nevertheless, he’s not sure if the moisture was brought on by a leak in Chelsea’s child chute or only a moist chair.

Chelsea’s mother suggests she take a journey to the hospital to get “swiped” and discover out what the thriller substance on her health club shorts is.

“It’s higher to get swiped so ya know…dontcha know!”

South Dee-ko-tah Mary tells Chelsea that, had her water damaged, she can be feeling moist in her entrance (aka her gentleman greeter would really feel like a ‘crick’). Chelsea is worried that the child will come too early, leading to her having to remain within the NICU. 

Cole and Chelsea determine to go get Chelsea checked out on the hospital, simply to make certain she’s not in labor. On the drive over, Chelsea has some contractions and she or he begins to panic.

Over in North Carolina, Hurricane Florence has simply handed over The Land. Jenelle had all the youngsters at her home in the course of the storm, however everybody got here out unscathed (however maybe not “unscabied.”) 

Jenelle tells her mother Barbara all concerning the moist and wild climate. For some purpose, Jenelle is absolutely proud that she and Lurch didn’t evacuate as they have been suggested and as an alternative hunkered down on The Land till the storm handed. 

Hey, some issues are simply too priceless to go away behind. I imply, Jenelle’s countless provide of trucker hats, and Lurch’s Hooked on Phonics tapes aren’t gonna save themselves! Fortunately, although, the hurricane didn’t truly hit Jenelle’s house.

When you’ll be able to’t even get a hurricane to return to The Land.

Except for leaky roofs, a nearly-collapsing flooring, and having no electrical energy, the Evans-Eason clan survived on The Land.

Jenelle says that she and the household bathed of their swamp-water-filled pool to take care of their impeccable hygiene. 

“I actually felt like we have been in a third-world nation,” Jenelle says.

Nicely…that’s in all probability how most individuals who go to The Land would describe the place…

Jenelle says that Nathan‘s mother Doris prompt that Kaiser journey out the storm at her place, fairly than sit in Jenelle’s leaky and darkish home and bathe within the swamp pool. 

“She was insinuating that she might take higher care of Kaiser throughout a hurricane than I can!” Jenelle says.

Um…I’m fairly positive Chelsea’s pet pig might take higher care of that boy than Jenelle does…simply sayin’…

Anyway, issues begin to get actually HIGH-larious when Jenelle begins bragging about all of Lurch’s survival expertise. She credit his doomsday prepping for getting ready them for the hurricane, in addition to “the entire Kim Jong-un factor.”


“Deliver it on, North Korea! I don’t imply to brag however quickly our flooring will sink to date into the bottom we may have our personal underground bunker!”

Over in Delaware, it’s virtually time for Lux’s first birthday so Kail and her trio of boys are off to do some cake testing. (You know Kail is secretly pretending this can be a cake-testing for her wedding ceremony to Lux’s dad, Chris!) 

Kail and her crew maul some pastries, after which they head residence. Kail decides it’s time to burn some sage and speak about Chris together with her pal Kathy. She says that the sage-burning is to “eliminate unfavorable power,” however I’m satisfied it’s some kind of love spell concoction Kail’s cooking as much as rub on Chris when he comes over for Lux’s birthday celebration.

“I’m gonna GET my man!”

“I don’t know if Chris and I are in a relationship,” Kail says [spoiler alert: they’re not]. “He’s the one individual I really feel like I by no means actually received over.

Kail tells Kathy she isn’t involved in courting different individuals, although she’d forgive Chris if he was courting different individuals himself. She tells Kathy she’s “hooked on the chaos” which coincidentally can be an awesome alternate title for this present.

Kail says that even when Chris “cheated” on her proper now, she’d be proper again to drooling over his Instagram photographs in about two weeks.

I feel that’s good…

Again in Florida, Brittany has crawled away from bed and relocated to the sofa. She commends Briana for getting out of taking Nova to Monkey Joe’s as a result of she has “the soul of a fats individual…you don’t wanta be walkin’ nowhere doin’ nothin’”.

When the MTV crew exhibits as much as movie earlier than 2 p.m.

Brittany reminds Briana that she will’t have Dr. Miami-enhanced physique swingin’ everywhere in the rattling place. She might poke a child’s eye out! Security first!

Subsequent, we swing again right down to The WV, the place Leah’s “setting” at her boyfriend Jason‘s home, calling up a particular wants law-yer to speak about Ali’s schooling plan. Leah says that this would be the first time she’s spoken to the law-yer so…why not do it on-camera!?

Leah will get the lawyer up-to-date on every part and is hopeful about how issues might be dealt with with Ali going ahead. She hopes that the varsity bus will comply with take Ali’s “willchair” together with her every day to high school.

After Leah hangs up, Jason says that he’s down to assist Leah in any approach that he can. (Cautious there, Jason. The final man who stated that was Jeremy, and he ended up in a van filled with trash, previous quick meals wrappers and jackets, hollerin’ on the TV cameras!) 

“I higher go catch me up on a few of these previous ‘Teen Mother 2’ episodes!”

In the meantime in Delaware, Lux’s birthday is lastly right here, however MTV is cordially NOT invited because of Chris and his household deciding to RSVP “sure” to the occasion. The MTV crew principally needed to sit back in creepy vans outdoors the home whereas Chris & Co. yucked it up on the get together, however they have been allowed to return again in as soon as King Chris had left. 

(I’ll give Chris credit score for resisting these MTV paychecks, although, even in any case this time. All the women’ different vital others/child daddies/common bootycalls have ultimately cracked and agreed to movie as a result of they have been unable to show down that MTV dough!) 

Anyway, Kail is busy wrangling youngsters and patting herself on the again for convincing Chris to return to the get together.

She tells Producer Patrick that issues between her and Chris trip, however it’s completely apparent that she is anticipating Chris to someday understand how a lot he loves her and that need to be together with her ceaselessly.

“Positive, Jan…”

Kail then tells Producer Patrick that as thrilled as she was to have Chris and his household at Lux’s get together, it made her want that her circle of relatives was in attendance, specifically her mother—who we affectionately name Smirnoff Suzi. As longtime followers of the present know, The Suz has by no means been near the Kail or Kail’s youngsters…or sobriety for that matter! 

All of Kail’s child daddies have households which are very concerned, and that makes Kail really feel neglected. She says that she’s interested by making an attempt to reconnect together with her mother, whom she hasn’t seen in years. 

We’re then are handled to some flashback clips of Suzi (in all her spiky-haired glory) throughout Kail’s 16 and Pregnant episode, in addition to a clip from an early season when Kail tells Dr. Drew that she left child Lincoln with Suzi for 2 hours, solely to seek out Suzi tanked when she arrived residence. 

“‘Member me?”

“She’d be sober for every week after which go lacking for every week,” Kail tells Producer Patrick of Mommy Dearest. “I used to be Isaac’s age staying house on my own, and I had each bar on the town memorized and I might name to see if my mother was there.”

Anybody else assume that Suzi and Catelynn‘s mother April would have made nice consuming buddies?!

Talking of Catelynn, Kail is about to movie a podcast episode together with her and Tyler Baltierra, so she decides to speak concerning the concern with them.  She hopes that Ty and Cate can inform her the way to have a relationship with Suz with out eager to beat her to dying with an empty vodka bottle on the common.

Again in North Carolina, Jenelle heads to the pumpkin patch with two-thirds of her youngsters and Barb for some high quality photograph ops to publish on social media. It’s the autumn model of “household picnic time.”

In fact, Lurch has been shut-out of the Nice Pumpkin Patch Caper, which Jenelle just isn’t too comfortable about.

When your face is peeling off however you’ve deliberate to have a la-dee-dah time at Fall Household Picnic Day…

The subsequent day, as Jenelle and Barb are slopping down their free meals at a restaurant, Producer Kristen informs Jenelle that, whereas she was busy forcing her youngsters to smile for the digital camera on the pumpkin patch, Lurch was blowing her telephone up, threatening to point out up and shut down filming. 

“He’s like, ‘How dare you’re taking Ensley to the pumpkin patch?’” Kristen says Lurch texted her. “‘In case you proceed to movie with Ensley, I’ll come there and break the entire shoot. You’re not going to push me out of my very own life! You have to be ashamed of yourselves, all of you!’”

“Yeah, yeah yeah,” Jenelle says. (We will virtually see the wheels in her head turning, making an attempt to wiggle her Lurch-of-a-husband out of the mess he’s created.)

Jenelle says she didn’t know concerning the texts, however instantly begins defending Lurch for sending them anyway. She says Lurch felt overlooked for not attending to be within the social media photographs and he’s putting the blame on MTV.

“By George, I’ve received it!”

Jenelle then appears to modify recreation plans mid-sentence. She begins to chuckle hysterically and says that Lurch was in all probability simply making an attempt to make Kristen “s**t her pants.”

It was all a joke, guys! That rascally Lurch was simply enjoying a humorous on the MTV producers!

“He was simply making an attempt to f**okay with you as a result of he was pissed off,” Jenelle says. 

Kristen doesn’t look satisfied, however Jenelle continues to brush the entire thing off as a result of David is completely innocent, dude.

Whenever you need to say “I advised ya so” however don’t need to need to pay on your lunch…

Again in Florida, it’s time for Nova’s first day of faculty. Briana has suited up in her best Style Nova monitor pants for the event. (Roxanne might be sporting her signature pink pumps, simply in case a child tries to mess with Nova. Everyone knows what Roxanne is able to doing when she’s armed with footwear!) 

Stella is coming alongside too, and she or he doesn’t appear to be thrilled concerning the journey.

Why does Stella all the time have the facial features of a 45-year-old lady who’s going via it…?

They pull as much as Nova’s faculty (which is seemingly contained in the Publix Grocery Retailer? Do the youngsters attend Okay-6 within the deli, then transfer over to the paper merchandise aisle to attend junior excessive or…?)

On the best way in, Nova remarks that there are usually not any youngsters outdoors. (Um…that’s since you go to first grade in a grocery retailer, hun…)

Briana makes Nova stand there and take the compulsory “maintain the bizarre signal so I can submit your photograph on Instagram” image. 

“Nova you’re going to study to learn and write…after which are you able to perhaps decide us up a loaf of bread earlier than you allow faculty?”

As soon as they’re contained in the classroom, Nova’s being stared at like a fish in a fish bowl. (In any case, she is the one child who introduced a digital camera crew to the primary day of faculty.) Nova begins to get emotional and is crying. Roxanne says Nova has a case of separation nervousness—the identical factor her Aunt Brittany suffers from when she’s away from the sofa for too lengthy.

Later that day, Roxanne, her pumps, and Briana go to select up Nova at college. Nova survived her first day of 1st grade and, identical to Addie, just isn’t too proud of the shortage of recess allotted. Regardless of the scarcity of playtime, Nova stated she had a very good day after which Briana randomly reminds her that she will go go to her dad every time she needs.

Subsequent, we head to New York Metropolis, the place Kail and her co-host Lindsie are recording their podcast with Cate and Tyler. As soon as they begin rolling, Tyler says Butch is killing it in his new drug-free way of life, whereas Kail says she doesn’t even know if her mother is aware of she’s had a 3rd child.

She says that, each time Suzi isn’t mendacity in a pool of her personal vodka-smelling vomit, she’s a very good individual, and she or he needs her youngsters to expertise that. 

“Scorching mess mother and father? That’s our specialty!”

Tyler says he discovered to deal with Butch’s depraved methods by way of numerous remedy and studying to simply accept the truth that habit is a illness.

(When he begins speaking about having to do “a whole lot of inside work,” you’ll be able to virtually see Kail’s eyes roll again into her head…)

Kail doesn’t know if she’s able to welcome her mother and her mother’s consuming drawback again into her life.

Catelynn means that she give Smirnoff Suzi some wholesome boundaries if she begins a relationship together with her once more. (Can I simply add that Catelynn appears superb on this episode. There’s not a sweaty side-bang or zebra hoodie in sight!) 

In the meantime, in South Dakota, Chelsea and Cole study that the random moist spot Chelsea found wasn’t her water breaking, however fairly her physique “lubin’ up” to organize for start.  Chelsea is relieved that the infant is staying put in the intervening time. Chelsea says the physician was capable of really feel the child’s head in the course of the check-up and Cole is type of bummed that he didn’t get to sneak a really feel himself.

“This higher not be the hand that had my woman backyard lube throughout it.”

The episode ends with Jenelle’s notorious 911 name, by which she says David assaulted her and probably broke her collarbone. (You’ll be able to learn all about that right here and right here, by the best way!) 

Clearly this dispatcher isn’t a ‘Teen Mother 2’ fan…

Although we have now to attend till the subsequent episode to study what actually went down on The Land, we’re placing our cash on Jenelle blaming all of it on “Kim Jung Un.”

Till subsequent time!

To learn The Ashley’s different ‘Teen Mother 2’ recaps, click on right here!

(Pictures: MTV) 

Barbara Evans, Briana DeJesus, Brittany DeJesus, Catelynn Baltierra, Chelsea Houska, Cole DeBoer, David Eason, Devoin Austin, Jason Jordan, Jenelle Evans, Kail Lowry, Leah Messer, Roxanne DeJesus, Teen Mother 2, Teen Mother 2 Recaps, Teen Mother 2 Season 9, Tyler Baliterra